BTS Inspiration on The Magic of Midlife Female Sexuality
Links, Practices, Classes, Playlists to Ignite your Spark
For those of you looking for direct inspiration as you embrace your erotic journey, midlife or not—from maidenhood into something more expansive, or from conditioned, familiar fantasies into something that feels truer and uniquely your own—I’ve gathered some goodies for you.
This is my first time putting something like this behind a paywall. So…I invite you to join me on this deeper dive into words and practices I’ve written about, now offered in a more practical way for paid subscribers. You can join me for a month for less than you’d spend on one latté.
I'd love to welcome you into this space to offer you some deeper guidance into the topics at hand…erotic awakening at midlife, here who go…my first 4 tips to unlocking your erotic midlife journey in all her glory.
Now, for those of you sticking around to hear my thoughts on making the most of your erotic and sexual journey as part of your spiritual transformation as a maturing woman, here’s what I recommend.
(And also, hi! I am glad you are here with me on the journey. )
Here are the 4 most essential things I see again and again as supporting women deeply:
1. Know Your Beliefs and Conditioning
One of the first things I recommend to everyone I work with is understanding the beliefs and conditioning you’ve placed around your erotic nature. These may have come from family, religion, or society, and I dive deeply into this deconditioning process in my book, F*ck Like a Goddess. The key is to discern what’s truly yours, what’s collective, what’s from your parents, and what’s due to trauma—at least as much as you can in conscious awareness. Much of this conditioning lives in unconscious parts of the body, like tightness in your jaw, or a slump in your shoulders. It can also be present in the way you speak or hold yourself in the world. This is where embodiment as a practice comes in—exploring where pain, triggers, or conditioning reside in your body, tissues, breath, and expressions. This could and probably will take years to shift, but being aware is the best step. I have a free guided journey on Insight Timer if you want to be led into some deep feeling.
2. Get to know your Erotic Blueprint
Another fun step is taking the Erotic Blueprint quiz. While it can feel a bit surface-level, especially for deep divers, remember that you can always bring deeper dimensions to it. If you test as “kinky,” for example, it doesn’t have to be so black-and-white. It may simply indicate that your sexuality prefers to live in the more sacred, private realms. It doesn’t mean it’s dark or perverse—although you likely already know that, I’m saying it anyway to affirm that you can bring a sacred, soul-led approach to any erotic expression. The key is to ensure you’re doing it for yourself, not anyone else, and letting this energy emerge from within to infuse your life.
3. Play in Sensual Movement and Dance
I recommend adding a simple practice like slow dancing or rolling around on your bed—every morning, if possible. Even five minutes can make a difference. Snuggle into the covers, roll around, put on a song, and move. Mind Valley has a great beginner’s sensual movement class with S Factor creator Sheila Kelley that is really yummy. I also have some great playlists on Spotify if you want to check them out and do your own free flowing movement. When working with women, I always encourage finding music that resonates with their body and eroticism. Some weeks, a slow ballad might bring you to life, while another week, you might feel more alive listening to something a little naughtier. This is all part of embracing your cyclical nature. Make space for that, mama.
4. Notice and Soften Judgments
Pay attention to any judgments you have about your sexual and erotic nature, and begin to soften them. Ask yourself: What age was I when I started holding this judgment? Often, it’s a younger version of yourself that’s speaking—telling you something is weird, too much, or not enough, or that it should look a certain way. Make peace with that younger self. Write her a letter, say hello. If you feel called, you can work with her in therapy as well. The goal is to differentiate between the voices inside: What is you as the grown woman, and what is the voice that’s been running the show for a long time that may be much younger?
These are just a few tips of MANY I have from my coaching and mentoring work with women for many years.
I could go on and on, but I’d love to hear from you:
What’s your relationship with your sexual and erotic nature as you age?
Do you feel like outdated fantasies and concepts are beginning to fall away?
Do you feel more connected to your erotic body as something that transcends objectification or societal expectations?
What else would you like to hear from me on this topic?